The bunting was out in force as we assembled outside Goddard’s iconic emerald walls ahead of our season final showdown.

As soon as the lunch bell rang, a hungry horde burst forth and quickly swarmed at the counter. Understandably, the serving staff were taken aback as they tried to process a slew of sizeable orders.

In anticipation of the club’s visit, they resourcefully reserved two tables for us in the back-room, which over the past several years has become our communal dining area whenever we visit this establishment.

Eel wrangler Nick Evans is a rare consumer of jellied eels in the club circuit. Their gelatinous and slimy texture tends to put off most eaters.

Another partaker of the jellied goods is Alan Smith. Much like the humble eel, every year he travels thousands of miles to his annual Summer feeding grounds.

Andy Saunders frequently visits Greenwich, even when the club is not in residence. After a long day of sightseeing, he drops into Goddard’s for a spot of training.

Across the table, Keith Allwright shone like a beacon with his canary yellow polo - in what could be seen as a cunning ploy to distract other diners from their food.

The rush of steam emitted from hot pies is a common hazard for bespectacled folk. Various creative means are employed to avoid the dreaded glasses fog; Harry Limby attempted to eat sideways, while Nigel Pond simply lifted up the visors to get a clearer view.

Meanwhile at the far end of the table, something momentous was building up as a pile of platters dominated the table space.

Having missed the last two meetings, Paul Chrysanthou had slipped back to 2nd place. With a desperate bid to reclaim pole position, he ordered a gargantuan serving of 3 eels, 3 pies, 2 mash and 4 liquor.

His opponent opposite Mike Goldwater wasn’t fazed by the onslaught, and responded in kind with a hefty combo of 2 eels, 2 pies, 1 mash and 2 liquor. He ferociously tore through his food at speed, with an ironclad determination to fight off this formidable challenge.

The portentous ‘clash of the pietans’ across the table-tops attracted the attention from other competitors. Keen observer Douglas Benford had appropriately donned a pie & mash t-shirt for the occasion.

30 years ago, Richard Lucas was our very first winner, as he beat the competition during the club’s inaugural 1994-5 season. Then as now he donned his signature Mr. Pound Tie, which has become an iconic mascot at season final meetings over the years.

Goddards offers a range of accompaniments with their pies. Karen Ramos was easily tempted with a potentially scandalous (and non-scoring) accompaniment of baked beans to go with her meal.

Over at the far end of the room, web wizard Terry Moore was trying to get to grips with a girthsome 2&2 serving. Sizeable pies and dense mash make this a challenging prospect for all but the most seasoned campaigner.

As the luncheon worn on, the conversation level gradually dipped as the competitors crammed in the carbs and tried to nip the generous portions in the bud.

Having successfully slayed the beast, some eager individuals had room to spare for afters. This establishment boasts a wide selection of desserts from crumbles to sponge-puddings. Yet ultimately, the ever-dependable fruit pie was by far the most popular order of the day.

With the last bowl licked clean, recorder and administrator rigorously tallied the results and crunched through the numbers to establish the winner and runners-up of the 2024-5 season.

This year’s claimant of the wooden liquor spoon is Ace Harvey, whom aged 17 is our youngest ever awardee. Terry Moore graciously accepted the spoon in lieu of Ace’s absence.

Harry Limby was clearly relieved as he presented the bronze baby bib for third place to Keith Allwright. With a 100% attendance record, the freshman pie-muncher has made an outstanding effort in his debut season.

Despite a gutsy 30-point assault, Paul Chrystanthou was unable to seize the title. Nick Evans was at hand to offer commiserations and the silver mash spoon for second place.

The coveted Realistic Clay Pies MK3 trophy went to Mike Goldwater, who categorically extinguished the competition and emerged triumphant. After 14 long years, victory has never tasted so sweet.

The crazy gang posed for a group shot in the alleyway, drawing curious looks from passers-by.

Some much-needed refreshment was procured at that trusty watering hole The Plume of Feathers. We rose our pints in farewell to another eventful season.

Salute’

MG