“Gaily into Ruislip Gardens, runs the red electric train,” once stated John Betjeman in his poem ‘Middlesex’. On the last Saturday of October, the Club travelled down to Ruislip, deep in the heart of Metroland, a scheme once concocted by the Metropolitan Railway to entice city dwellers to buy homes nestled in the Middlesex countryside. Alas, those green fields have since been swept aside by houses and that Elysium is no more.

Three years have elapsed since our last trip to Hughes, and like a time bubble not much has changed in terms of décor. Inflation has pushed up the prices somewhat, although thankfully you can still purchase a 1&1 for the convenient sum of £5.

The eels were rather succulent and quite d-eel-lectable. These were likely to be the Irish variety which is more flavoursome than the more widely used Dutch type. These scrumptious fishy mini steaks were smothered with a delicious liquor replete with plenty of seasoning and freshly cut parsley that provided an ideal accompaniment to the meal.

Keith Allwright managed to wriggle his way eelishly through hordes of home-game crowds bound for Arsenal to join us on our trip out west. After such a journey, a double portion provided the ideal sustenance.

Since the pies were served straight from the oven, Colin Price took to cutting through the lids, just to bring them down to a temperature suitable for eating.

John Holdsworth rode in from the ‘Bush’ to accompany us on our pie filled manoeuvres. Although he only partook a 1&1, he later challenged the club’s cast-iron scoring system by helping himself to a spoonful of Doug’s dessert. This transgression was thankfully ruled out.

Being an experienced campaigner of the league for some 16 years, Douglas Benford was firmly in competition mode as he ordered up a solid pie, mash and eel combo.

The pies were among the best I have sampled so far this season. They were filled to the brim with a deliciously moreish minced beef filling, encased in golden baked pastry that was easy to cut into and complemented by the glorious liquor. However, the controversial use of scooped mash often divides opinion in pie & mash circles.

We were graced by the presence of, Richard Lucas, who performed impressively with a surf & turf feast. Six times champion, the Welsh Wizard was firmly back in his competitive stride; perhaps we’re seeing the return of the Locust?

Meanwhile Andy Saunders showed off the vast expanse of his appetite by quickly chowing down a 2&2 portion; if that wasn’t enough, he then ordered another pie for ‘afters’. At the end of play, he topped the league table with 37 points.

Having missed the season opener, Peter Harvey was eager to make up for lost time with a mighty 3-2-1 serving. Here he is adopting the praying mantis position, prior to devouring his prey.

He was joined by his daughter Ace, now of college age and sporting a green coloured hairdo which seemed rather appropriate given the culinary choice on offer.

The sound of conversation and mastication wafted across the marble tops in equal measure.

After we downed cutlery, Allwright was keen to show off his Pie & Mash sign recently discovered by chance on a stall at a model toy fayre in Headcorn, Kent.

If you have digestive space left to spare, this establishment offers a pair of desserts for those with a sweet tooth.

The majority went for sticky toffee pudding and in the process finished off the last of the shop’s reserves. It’s easy to see why this scrumptious tectonic land-mass of molten treacle and custard is so appealing.

[Below] Some dessert island dishes.

The walls were adorned with an extensive gallery of Hollywood stars, football memorabilia and Banksy paintings; it’s anyone’s guess how such an eclectic collection could end up in the same room.

In the far-left hand corner there’s even an embossed mirror featuring the shop’s namesake.

The Mighty Metroland Power Rangers.

After trekking through the fields of houses, we found refuge at The Black Bull, a roadhouse style pub built in the 1930’s, to serve the local housing development then under construction. It once featured memorably in the first episode of ‘The Inbetweeners’, although unlike those bungling boys, we at least found the right pub.

MG