There we were at The Old Cockney of Bromley a few Fridays back. Note that this is a new title for the shop, which has traded for some years in this deep southern recess of the London metropol.

The conjunction of the crustafarians in the picture above was facilitated by a fifteen-minute fast one from Victoria to Bromley South, followed by a short bus ride to ‘Bromley Common The Crown’. Thence a brief stroll into the Chatterton Road neighbourhood, a cosy parade of local shops for local people.

Within the walls of no.44, we found all the vital signs of an authentic and traditional pie and mash shop, including some uplifting national bunting.

Our hosts-most-welcoming were Yusuf and Jacqui. We exchanged greetings over the glass counter before getting down to the day’s business.

There were some fine specimens on display.

And the stewed eels were exemplary.

“What, scoops?!” I hear you declaim. Get a grip you pie puritan, it’s merely a means to get spud to plate, and certainly doesn’t deter the dogged diggers and stodge shovellers of the pie and mash club.

To our surprise and delight Linda Jones of New Malden found an aperture in her busy schedule to join us at table. Her manner is quiet but firmly resolute, with the necessary incisiveness to cut through to the meat of the matter. If only she were in charge of parliament, we might emerge from the murky morass of ‘Breggsit’ with dignity intact.

For Sue Madigan of Eden Park, Chatterton Road qualifies as home turf.

The setting for our plain and simple grub was plain and simple pine. It reminded me a bit of long-vanished Kenroy’s in Woolwich.

The pies were on the large side, and gushed forth gravy at the slightest prod. The filling was finely ground – and very tasty. The mash was something of a surprise, as the flavour bordered on sweet potato. I was told they use ‘Orchester’ but I think the variety is known as ‘Orchestra’. There was certainly a symphony of taste notes going on in my gob.

You can keep your hat on . . . but can you keep a lid on the enormous thermal build up from a basin of the ambrosial scoff?

The effusive Yusuf joined us in the booths for that all-important customer feedback. If his face seems familiar it’s because he plied his trade for 15 or so years at Cockneys of Croydon. Last year an opportunity arose for him to take on a shop of his own. After having tested the water by cheffing in-house at the Chatterton Road business, and successfully seeing off a rival bid from his old employers, he finally took it over in late 2018, and gave it a slight rebrand. Hence the name ‘The Old Cockney of Bromley’. Yusuf has taken the original Croydon recipe and tweaked it to come up with something original but well within the strictures of ‘traditional’.

E. Mosse esq. did dessert, but did not desert his duty to digitise the day’s action with his marvellous moving-image capturing contraption. Dynamic dining scenes such as these can be viewed on the Club’s YouTube channel.

This lady latecomer was Maureen ‘Mo’ Harle lately of nearby Downham, but originally of Bermondsey. The invitation to join came from Nick Everton. These two have known each other since Butlins.

[Far right] The calling card of the Pie and Mash Club.

This tableau seems to capture the homely atmosphere of the shop.

An extensive remodelling is on the horizon, with the pie oven to move into the rear kitchen in order to create a more traditional counter area.

[Below] More scenes. The dough machine and the crockery was purchased from the winding up of Nathan’s last year. The much-thumbed copy of ‘Londoners’ is on the verge of disintegration.

The Old Cockney is another of those local treasures on the outskirts of London. You can expect a friendly welcome and some pretty tasty pie and mash but competitive eaters be warned, these pies are substantial.

The current opening hours are 10am – 5:30 pm Monday to Saturday.

It was all very local as we repaired to another community hub just across the way.

If you like local things for local people, Chatterton Village could be just up your street. A virtual stroll down the pavements of its history is available here.

And it's well worth a visit if you want to try a delicious and original take on traditional London Pie and Mash.

St@