Christmas 2017 AD

This winter the Pie and Mash Club followed the star of wonder to glittering Greenwich, where picturesque alleyways were bedizened with fairly festive fairy lights to create a cosy Christmas locale for the pastry-case revellers.

A handsomely dressed window display had a mesmerising effect on passersby hungry and weary.

The outlook was grey with the odd ray of sunshine – the wintry light captured artfully by the experimental 'custard filter' of Rikk Lucas’s DSLR.

In addition to the usual delights, Goddard’s added a turkey special to its roster of pie-fillers. This was a circular affair, topped with a Christmas tree motif [see below, far right].

Everton stuck to the tried and tested, but the big man could only take on four of the famously large Goddard’s standard issue pies.

Even a one-and-one [two scoops] takes up a lot of table estate, as seen before Judith Deschamps.

We welcomed back to the banqueting tables international man-of-metal Yuri Nemkoff – last seen in Poplar in November 2011. To complement an ear for crunching riffs and soaring solos, he has recently added a nose for bouquet and a palate for flinty notes and chocolatey tones – for his quest is to become master of wines. Thus was the club hot sauce handled with understandable delicacy.

With Ed Mosse, all caution is thrown to the wind – it’s how I nearly lost my frisbee to a dog called Rascal. The big occasion brought out the obligatory santa hat and a flashing LED sweater. As ever, the cutlery handling was industrial.

Goddard’s big double-double got the thumbs up from cola-guzzling web guru Terry Moore, mastermind of Pie and Mash 2.0. Any spud fan will be reassured to know that each of those scoops contains 75–80% Maris Pipers.

Sue Madigan and Tom Leader added a splash of seasoning to our savour. Leader’s luncheon was merely an appetiser for a mid-afternoon appointment with the butcher and a fatted swine. You see, Tom’s dreaming of a pork Christmas; his nearest and dearest will be waking up on Christmas morn to stockings stuffed with streaky artisanal bacon.

The Club was offered use of the Goddard’s Rear Functional Area. Here are two backroom boys in action, Mike G tackling the festive fancy.

We desserted upon a steaming selection of sweets slathered in molten custard: bread and butter pud, cherry pie, apple pie, apple crumble and treacle sponge.

He made his debut at Xmouth Market in Xmas 2012, but northern lad Ian Burr [below] celebrated his five years in the Club with a modest apple pie dessert which sent his score average plummeting. Nevertheless we serenaded him with a rousing ‘Happy Pie and Mash To You’ – it was his birthday just two days later!

Crackers were pulled, novelties sent scattering every which way, and tissue-paper crowns donned.

Then Statto took the podium to lead a cacophonous carol course. To our canon of Christmas 'cover versions' Mike G has added 'O Little Plate of Pie and Mash':

O Little Plate of Pie ‘n’ Mash
That sits before thine eyes
Behind the counter and the till
The trays of pies go by
Yet in the dark shop shineth
The ornamental tiles –
The needs and hopes of humble folk
Here met in Cockney style

The Goddards team were as welcoming as ever, and kindly tidied up the festive fallout.

We bade Jeff, Kane, Jo, Steve and the rest of the crew a fond farewell. Curiously the shop was nearly empty.

With song in our hearts, we took the goodwill out onto the pavement, there to bestow it benificently upon the sleepy gentlefolk of Greenwich village.

The cosiness was compounded at the Coach and Horses with mellow ale and mulled cider of comfort and joy.

St@