The festive fixture in the Club’s calendar is a mid-season high-point, during which it has become customary to extol the joys of this most wonderful time of the year from the earthy perspective of a plate of pie and mash. In recent times we have found G. Kelly of Roman Road to be a venue most conducive to Christmas cheer, despite these gloom-laden exterior shots.

Our hostess of the day was the lovely Leanne; as I understand it, the traditional front-of-house mistletoe has been put aside due to the sheer number of over-the-counter overtures.

There was a build up of anticipation behind that elderly lady and her takeout; I hope Rich wasn’t breathing too heavily down her collar. Once a new shipment of pies was delivered from the kitchen, the combination orders and sterling started to fly thick and fast, like Monday morning on the stock exchange.

There were several triples in the equation, along with the best stewed eels I have had this year.

Ed Mosse went for his trusty one, one, one, one and one.

Meanwhile, your club statistician was pleased to observe a familiar fedora on the tabletop.

It belongs to that magister of mash Tom Leader, who has survived life-threatening illness in what sounds like a helluva year. It was heartening to see the great man back in the arena and building himself back up to full fitness. Tom’s lady-in-red is partner Elaine Saunders, who has been his rock during this challenging chapter. Elaine, we salute you.

Goldwater and Lucas went to head-to head; by the end of this show Goldwater’s third place advantage over the ex-champ was shaved to a slim six points.

Jean and Judith; five out of five meets so far.

[Far right] a glimpse of Mike and Rich’s table, with Terry Moore quietly shovelling away his second competition plate.

Close-up on the head-to-head action.

Terry Moore seems to be hitting his stride with this four-pie flourish. The boldness of his attack and nonchalant choice of Doctor Pepper marks him out as ‘one to watch’.

The elegant approach of Sue Madigan and Frances Campbell was a pleasant contrast to Moore’s full facial assault.

Lucas makes that extra portion of liquor count.

From Benfo’s attire you’d think Pie and Mash was a hazardous activity but as ever the Brentford Bicycle is Doug’s chosen form of transport. Doug, remember what Tom Jones famously said of pie and mash: You can keep your hat on.

For once Mike G had the chance to make a personal contribution to the Facebook Gallery of Gobshots.

But this event didn't photograph itself you know. Here are two of the three lensmen who captured every mouthful of the action.

The G. Kelly Non-brewed XI.

At this time of year Kelly's can be relied upon for a cheering window display of home-made mince pies. [If you want 'artisanal' take a hike to Hackney Wick.]

However, many of the company opted instead for the delicious rhubarb crumble and custard dessert.

There comes a point when it's necessary to detonate a few Christmas crackers. Edward Mosse's allergic reaction to silver fulminate is legendary — and almost as explosive. He's seen here taking the necessary precautions.

For these artfully shot compositions we must thank Rich Lucas and his magic SLR camera with its 'red only' filter — sort of like a red-eye reduction in reverse.

Neil Vening wears the captain's smock. It's the heaviest smock of them all, for it carries with it responsibility for a host of ancillary tasks including repairs to the roof of this mighty establishment.

And talking of mighty, there's Pieman Robert, who nimbly delivered tray after tray of piping hot pies from kitchen to counter in spite of the various roving photographers along his route.

Deco's.

With our festive headgear set firmly in place, we were ready for the ear-rending finale to the Pie and Mash Club Christmas Meal. [Hear the din here.]

[Below left] Leanne gets into the spirit of things with her colleague Leigh.

[Below middle] The crazy gang in full song

[Below right] These ladies grabbed some song sheets and joined in — they thought we were from the church!

We gave Roman Road Market the benefit of several unrequested encores.

'Good King Statto' is the most recent addition to our Pie Carol Portfolio. Verse One follows . . .

Good King Statto looked upon
Festive pies at Kelly’s
All on Roman Road could hear
Rumbling in his belly.
Brightly shone the forks and spoons
Under spotless tiles.
When a stranger came in sight
Peering down the aisle.

Thence to Lichfield Street and the Lord Tredegar with its awesome map-room for our festive booze-up. In the spirit of club tradition, something fizzy was knocked over.

Ho ho ho!

St@