And it has come to pass once again, dear disciples, that the responsibility has been delivered upon me Rikk 'Plague of Locusts' Lucas (6 times World

Champion) to sit in for your regular and cordial comical columnist Nikk 'St@tto' Evans, herewith to provide a rundown of the highlights and lowlights of the latest pie'n'mash congregation. St@tto 'swanned off' as it were, completely forgetting his pie and mash committments. Let him be rudely informed that not only did the event go ahead, but on this occasion was more popular than ever!

In the beginning, your holy scribe and his companion Saint Bob of Hollingsworth did depart from the hustle of the office, making passage through the lunch-time hubub of central London to arrive at the gates of Exmouth market. The sun was high and fervent in the fresh winter sky, giving us its full unobscured attention; we were 'well pleased'.

Passing stalls of hot exotic foods, we fought off countless temptations to reach Clark's. Alan Smith hailed us from the queue, remarking 'Oh, it's just you so far'. But little did he realise that a group of seven had already accumulated and ensconced itself at two tables deep in the back room of the shop. I wasted little time in capturing their presence on camera, remarking 'I need to prove that you were here'. For some reason this provoked laughter from said participants (I won't mention names).

Now it comes upon me to highlight that, on this particular occasion, the Pie'n'mash club was honoured to receive a persona grata — Sir Peter Warwick, hallowed be his name. We've never had a 'Sir' before and whilsts exalting the club to unrecognisably high status he has, I fear, lowered his own to an all time nadir. In an attempt to deny his presence (see 'action shot' of man in suit and tie, below), he remarked 'I'm not here, I'm a hologram'. This being the Pie-n-Mash Club, we have investigated his credentials thoroughly. Extensive research reveals that Sir Peter Warwick died January 15th, 1682—3, in the seventy-fourth year of his age. Prior to that he appears to have enjoyed a minor league career in American Gridiron. Perhaps he could make a pie-n-mash catchphrase from his famous words ""Ya'll want me to finish them?" Has anyone contacted Burke's Peerage yet?

And for what we were about to receive, the Lord made us truly thankful. Myself, Alan and Bob took up a strategic eating position at the front of the shop, in order to monitor carefully any second helpings, premature exits or 'bin sprints'.

I noted down Tom Leader's 40pt tally with the remark, 'That's an earth-shattering result.' He replied plainly 'No, that's not an earth-shattering result.' Indeed it wasn't when compared to Graham Darlow's massive 45pts. Upon setting a new land, sea and air record, he commented modestly, 'The pies are still very good, the eels are excellent as well.' I suppose you do have to like it to eat that much don't you? Apparently he is already planning his tactics for next winter; not too disimilar to a publishing schedule, it seems to me.

And the final word goes to Montague St.John Martin whom I believe travelled from the far kingdom of Noth Lincolnshire to reach us. It was suggested to him that he could qualify for 'eel miles'. Monty, I can prove that you arrived here, but you might have to discuss the rest with your local rail company.

Amen.

Mr Lucas

P.S. Check out the latest development!

Pie'n'mash reaches far flung parts of the UK,

thanks to 'Eelhouse':

http://www.eelhouse.co.uk/photos.html