Take me home please
Clark's, 46 Exmouth Market
Season 2012-2013

Millard and Pead Associates of Farnham sought out Clark's Pie Shop on 14th December, looking for a square meal to set a seal of satisfaction on their business trip to the smoke. To paraphrase, wedothewords.com had 'done the words' and were about to do some pies.

It was drab, dank, dark and drizzly outside, and all gathered therein were looking for cheer.

Himself an associate of the Club some nine years, Ben X. Hayes likes nothing better than a pair of steamers on a winter's day lunchtime.

Our latterday colleague and yet already undisputed world champion Chris C. came in for a sensible bite to eat. His Mayan Prophecy-cum-Christmas sweater gave us all hope for something good in our stockings four days after the predicted end of the world – if only a humble clay pot, alpaca socks or set of pan pipes.

Ian Jentle and partner Jean O'Reilly enjoyed a steamy encounter in the forward booths – their first p-n-m engagement of the season.

There was a new face; Ian Burr of the National Theatre, able scoffer and work-mate of E. Mosse esq.

Rikk Lucas arrived, looking glazed.

Contrary to appearances, Brian Catchpole was not assembling a sniper's rifle – it's an ingenious folding walking stick that doubles as a jellied eel grappler.

Sue Madigan came adorned with Santa earrings, a red hoodie and box of crackers. Like it or not, the mood was becoming festive – and not a little restive.

Dodge Rogers has bottle and, importantly, he knows how to use it.

Christmas Greetings.

Some people weren't sure what to do with their crackers . . .

. . . but in the end we pulled.

Our occasional chum Lee Marchant sportingly donned the tissue paper crown, but when the song sheets came out, he and Potter were nowhere to be seen.

Top wordsmith Mike G had crafted and refined three pie-flavoured carols for the assembled scoffers to sing: 'Jingle Pies', 'Deck the Pies with Fillings of Mincemeat' and 'We Wish You A Merry Pie 'n' Mash'.

Such fun was had that we then launched into 'The Twelve Days of Christmas (Cockney Version)'. The tiles of number 46 resounded to our savoury vocalising – to the comfort and joy of most. However, one lady looked decidedly discomfited; if you can identify her, you'll earn yourself a free pie-n-mash meal in the vaunted company of the club. Direct your answers (plus visual proof beyond reasonable doubt) by email to here.

A cup of tea was the perfect larynx lubricant for the crusty carollers.

The bemufflered chap in the raincoat [far right] was a welcome addition to our throng, for he is my old colleague and all-round affable chap, Benn Linfield. Despite all temptations on offer, he resolutely refused to take up the cutlery, so we're generously awarding him zero points in the league – just for being there and contributing to the general merriment.

He may be called Dodge Rogers – but he never dodges a pie.

The day's high scorer with 28 points was Richard Lucas. Not known for speed, by the time he reached the end of the meal, he had some difficulty recollecting what he had started with.

The end of the meal.

If you were subjected to a theatrical mugging, it might look something like that picture on the far right.

What a load of frolics.

The merrymaking continued in The Exmouth Arms.

If you had to 'charade' the name of this pub, you might find yourself in a similar pose to Edward Mosse [far right].

Thence by way of Clerkenwell Green – and more high jinks – to The Jerusalem Tavern, a favoured yuletide watering hole of the Club.

Drinks were spilled and glasses smashed such as you wouldn't believe possible on dry land.

Merry Christmash [and we don't know who that bloke is either].