Season 2006-2007CLARK'S; 46 Exmouth Market, Finsbury
(5 pts)
(4 pts)
(3 pts)
(2 pts)
(1 pts)
RICHARD LUCAS120330122288
NICK EVANS112310126271
BEN HAYES101310121219
GRAHAM DARLOW54310136151
ALAN SMITH5111011379
JAMIE TANNER4031011667
ROY FLOOKS3031011656
RACHEL EVANS3021011239
CYRIL GOIN3021011237
EDWARD MOSSE3021011225
THOMAS KRAFT2021011223
REHAN QAYOOM1021011212

As the song goes, 'That lucky old sun has nothin' to do but roll around heaven all day.' It doesn't sound too difficult, does it?

Fourteen competitors from all points of the compass converged inexorably on the centre of the p-n-m galaxy for the Final of the 06-07 Season, a bit like an imploding planetary system on the verge of 'The Big Crunch', but less, er, final than that.The sun remained 'on'. Anthony Gormley couldn't make it — I hoped at least he would send along one of his men to join us in the queue at Clark's.

Meanwhile, Bullseye kept a watchful eye over Exmouth Market — Bill Sikes' whereabouts unknown.

Yes, it was sunshine and smiles as The Pie and Mash Club annexed three booths of number 46 Exmouth Market for the gala event of the season. Debutantes take note. In fact, it was the very first taste of true p-n-m for Eddie's mate Dave, who distinguished himself with a tidy 12-point showing.

This aerial view shows consumpter extraordinarium Graham Darlow marshalling his forces for a massive 36-point demolition. With four portions of eels steaming in front of him, isn't it about time someone notified the WWF? (World Wildlife Fund, not World Wrestling Federation)

Rikk Lucas was in ebullient mood, sporting a leather jacket and electric floral tie combo straight out of the 1980s. The Mister Pound Tie has become something of a yellow jersey for the Pie and Mash League, usually reserved for the final leg of the race. The look of a winner but, wait, who's that over his shoulder?

Yes, it's time for a Mystery Scoffer competition. A free p-n-m meal to the person who can name the physog at the end of this fork. Email me with your proof.

On the far right is pie enthusiast Rehan Qayoom, denizen of Barking, floral shirt specialist and 'avid pie n mash eater for long years'. A newcomer to the Club, he took the day off especially to be here, and we were honoured with his presence. At this moment he had no idea of the precious contents of those jiffy bags.

The moment of truth (5.42 by Clark's timeless chronograph):

Winner 2006—2007: Richard Lucas
(Realistic Clay Pies)
It's the smile born of 9 months of long hard work.

Runner Up 2006—2007: Nick Evans
(Silver Liquor Spoon)
It's the grimace born of 9 months of long hard work and coming second.

Third Place 2006—2007: Ben Hayes
(4-colour Bib)
Unfettered excitement. This year he's earned it.

Wooden Spoon 2006—2007: Edward Mosse
(Wooden Liquor Spoon Award for Consistent Under-achievement throughout the Season)
It's the grin worn by someone who has got an award for not doing very much.

The weather made it impossible to walk on past the Exmouth Arms without appearing rude, so we rounded the occasion off with some appropriate beverages. A very well-rounded girth appears to be supporting the half-full pint of ale in this shot.

I went window-shopping for a new hairstyle, and was taken with this high-tech hairstyle preview gadget, called a 'Hairy Gary'. Surely this should be 'Hairy Gazza'? What do you think of 'Mutton Chops'?

With an attendance of more than thirteen people, Final 06-07 ranks as the most successful gathering in the history of this club. Well done everybody!

I'll leave you with another song:

'The weather here has been as nice as it can be. Althought it doesn't really matter much to me. For all the pies I'll eat while you're so far away. It might as well rain until September'

St@ 12.07.07

P.S. The Club made print yet again recently with a mention in Peter Watts' excellent Timeout article called 'Death of the Cockney'. Click here to read it . . . and weep!