Season 2005-2006CLARK'S; 46 Exmouth Market, Finsbury
ROUND 5
16.12.'05
PlayedEels
(5 pts)
Pie
(4 pts)
Mash
(3 pts)
Afters
(2 pts)
Liquor
(1 pts)
SumTotal
NICK EVANS62310126114
TOM LEADER42220226104
RICHARD LUCAS51220221103
BEN HAYES4031011651
BOB HOLLINGSWORTH3021011242
JAMIE TANNER2032011937
MATTHEW LOWING2021011224
ALAN SMITH2018
EDWARD MOSSE2017
CHRIS FAGG201101816
TONY CHUNG1021011212
GEETA MEHTA108
JILL CROPPER108
NEIL BURKEY106
CLAIRE KELLY10-8
GABRIELLA PAGE-FORT10-8

A glance at the league reveals that three have 'punched through' to three figure scores at the turning point of the season. It's refreshing to see amongst them fresh talent in the form of Tom Leader — what a bright future this lad has in front of him! The images to your right depict Rich Lucas reaching for the spicy vinegar, and Tony Chung showing cutlery technique trés elegant.

That spicy vinegar really 'cuts through' a Clark's Pie remarkably well. The favoured approach is 'the armadillo manoeuvre': (1) flip the pie over, revealing its soft underbelly (2) make a single, decisive knife stroke and (3) tip the vinegar into the incision. Rest assured, your pie will not suffer if this manoeuvre is executed properly.

CF turned up too late to join us at our cosy booth for six, and so decided to take the moral high ground and sit in the upper sanctum of Clark's. Unexpectedly, he was joined soon after by Jet, seen here holding the Driver's, and about to 'splash it all over'. Contrary to rumours of a relocation to Lower Parkstone, Jet has decided to remain in the East Essex area so he can remain close to family, friends and . . . pies.

Whilst on the subject, many of us remarked upon the quality of the Clark's pie, which was a cut or two above its usual very high standard.

Afterwards CF joined us for some light conversation, though I suspect his mind was on other things: I hear ITN are now auditioning for Trevor McDonald's successor. Chris, don't forget to have a handy human interest story and some loose sheets of foolscap or else you'll have nothing to round up at the end of the bulletin.

Towards the end of lunchtime we were joined by Tom Leader, who tucked into his customary 'Noah's Ark' configuration. If not in a class of his own, he certainly occupies a table of his own with some aplomb. Observe the trademark 'Tom Thumb' technique — not recommended for beginners who may experience temporary loss of balance and nausea.

Finally caught on camera together: in a brief respite from the lunchtime rush, these girls sure earned that cuppa tea and a fag. A well-deserved weekend at Pontin's beckons for the lady on the right in the New Year, who took in the Chas 'n' Dave show the last time she was there: "All I could here was a terrific din and 'rabbit, rabbit, rabbit!'"

Perhaps this time the entertainment will be provided by Koo Ka Choo, easily the best glam rock band around?

And finally, could this be another successful collar for the TV investigators we dreamed up at the dinner table? We are devising a successful London-based comedy drama, in the style of 'Minder' and 'Give Us a Break'. It will be called 'Pye and Nash', featuring a classic 'odd couple' of mystery solvers and a loyal pooch called Licker (who is also Pye's guide dog). If you feel any inspiration coming on, why not drop us a line? Just to reassure you, Chas 'n Dave are pencilled in for the show's catchy theme tune, and not the kerbside minstrel we spotted headbanging down Gray's Inn Road on the return journey. Merry Christmas one and all.

St@